The development of self-confidence begins properly with intelligent self-examination.
Pause for a moment… Do you examine yourself?
The mind must be closely scrutinized, checked undesirable tendencies, faults eradicated, and correct habits of thought and conduct firmly established.
To achieve the best results this personal overhauling, or house cleaning, should be thorough and fearless.
Fearful thought is a disease, to be diagnosed as carefully as any other illness. It comes largely from perverted mental habits.
The mind is permitted habitually to dwell upon thoughts of doubt, failure, and inefficiency.
So great does this power become, when permitted to rule unchecked, that it affects to a greater or less degree almost every act of one’s life.
The extremes to which a fearful person will sometimes go are as amusing as they are absurd.
People fear poverty, darkness, ridicule, microbes, insomnia, dogs, lightning, burglars, cold, solitude, marriage, Friday, lawyers, death, thirteen, accident, and ghosts.
The catalog of dreaded possibilities might include black cats, mice, ill luck, criticism, travel, disease, evil eyes, dreams, and old age.
It’s true there is legitimate and honest fear, like that of the young soldier who, upon being asked after his first battle how they felt, replied: “I was afraid I would be afraid, but I was not afraid.”
It’s right and proper that one should fear to do a mean or cowardly thing, to injure another, or to commit any kind of wrong. This fear, however, instead of weakening personal character, imparts to it new and manly force.
So, acknowledge your fears, then know what to do with them. Will you let it stay with you? Will you let it go? Will you still have self-confidence in spite of the fears?
To walk straight up to the thing feared will often strip it of its terror. In one of the old fables, we read that when man first beheld the camel, its huge size caused him to flee in dreadful fear.
But later, observing the animal’s seeming gentleness, he approached him less timidly, and then, seeing the almost spiritless nature of the beast, he boldly put a bridle in his mouth and set a child to drive him. We can, in like manner, conquer the fearful thoughts of the human mind.
Fear has well been called our most ancient enemy. Primitive humanity was unprotected against more powerful animals, and in those early days they had good reason to be fearful, but it is difficult to justify the widespread fear that exists today.
Thousands of people can say truthfully: “I have all my life feared things that never happened.”
The danger of this fearful attitude is that it frequently attracts that which is dreaded most, and the words of Job are literally fulfilled: “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.”
We are told that one of the bravest of African chiefs was driven into a cold sweat of agonizing fear merely by the constant ticking of a watch.
If worry is due to lack of self-reliance, fear is an acknowledgment of inferiority.
It does not stand still, and unless throttled will gradually overwhelm its victim, making him at last “Like one, that on a lonesome road Doth walk in fear and dread, And having once turned round walks on, And turns no more his head; Because he knows a frightful fiend doth close behind him tread.”
Timidity is quickly recognized by the world, and not only argues an ignoble mind, as Virgil says, but actually invites pursuit and imposition.
John Foster observes in his splendid essay “On Decision of Character”: “Weakness, in every form, tempts arrogance; and a man may be allowed to wish for a kind of character with which stupidity and impertinence may not make so free. When a firm, decisive spirit is recognized, it is curious to see how the space clears around a man, and leaves him room and freedom. The disposition to interrogate, dictate, or banter, preserves a respectful and polite distance, judging it not unwise to keep the peace with a person of so much energy.”
It’s surprising how confidence breeds confidence. Courage in danger is sometimes half the battle, while self-reliance will often safeguard a person’s interests and give him an abiding sense of security.
It makes them feel equal to almost any undertaking, however difficult, leading them to think with Dryden “They can conquer who believe they can.”
The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires patience and intelligent effort. There should be no straining, no anxiety, and no haste.
The story of the person who tried to jump over a hill should be kept in mind.
He went a long way back, and then ran so hard toward the hill that when he got there, he was obliged to lie down and rest. Then, he got up and walked over the hill. Many men are always preparing, but never achieving.
It is said that with regard to any final or definite end, most people live without purpose, and without any fixed star to guide them.
Do not let it be you. Find your reason and live the life that you’re supposed to be.
So, as a writer has expressed it, “To him that knoweth not the port to which he is bound, no wind can be favorable; neither can he who has not yet determined at what mark he is to shoot, direct his arrow correctly.”
Indecision is a frequent cause of fear. People hesitate to take a step one way or the other for fear that they might do the wrong thing, and this spirit of irresolution and hesitation often leads them into the very mistakes they would avoid.
It’s like a person on a bicycle, endeavoring to steer clear of an obstruction on the road, but all the while keeping his eye fastened upon it so that a collision is inevitable.
There is nothing more disastrous to success than a lack of purpose. “He who hesitates is lost,” while he grows great who puts on “the dauntless spirit of resolution.”
The world generally accepts a person at his or her own value. If you give an impression that you are afraid, you will elbowed aside and imposed upon at almost every turn.
Here’s an illustration:
There was a dog leisurely passing a cat on the street, and to all appearances, there was no ill feeling on either side. The cat looked him straight in the eye as they approached, and the dog returned her confident glance and quietly passed on.
Then the cat, seeing a good chance for escape, bolted across the street, but the instant the dog saw her running, he turned and followed in hot haste.
It was cat and dog for some yards, when suddenly the cat stopped, humped her back, and looked defiantly at her adversary. He stopped, caught his breath, blinked uncertainly, turned up his nose, and walked off.
As long as the cat showed fear and ran, the dog chased her. But the moment she took her stand, he respected her. When a person stands up boldly and self-confidently for their rights, fear slinks tremblingly into the shadows.
If you want to learn how to be self-confident, resolve to follow it to completion with bulldog tenacity. Realize that no weak-hearted, intermittent effort will achieve your desired purpose.
Hold in your mind the supreme assurance that you can and will achieve this indispensable power, and your reward for your energy and perseverance will be great!
30 Strategies To Develop Self-Confidence
Try these strategies to boost your confidence
1. Stick up for yourself.
Instead of allowing others to overpower you, stand up for your rights and your beliefs.
2. Believe in yourself.
Make an extra effort to look at yourself in the mirror and truly believe that you can accomplish anything.
3. Ask for help.
Seek help from others when you’re struggling. Draw from the expertise of others when you lack the knowledge you need. The ability to admit that you need help is a sign of strength.
4. Pick a new outfit.
Concentrate on your appearance. If you feel that you look good, you’ll begin to feel more confident in yourself on the inside as well.
5. Think positive thoughts.
Challenge yourself to think positive thoughts each and every day. If you stay positive, confidence will come.
6. Stop having negative thoughts.
When negative thoughts enter your mind, notice them and replace them with more productive ones. Dwell on thoughts that lead you to success.
7. Prepare yourself.
Sometimes, a lack of confidence comes from a lack of preparation. Ensure that you properly prepare yourself for the challenges you face.
8. Focus on the smaller things.
Tackle one thing at a time in a step-by-step manner. Little by little, each success you experience builds a reservoir of confidence inside you.
9. Express gratitude.
Express gratitude for the things that are important to you. You’ll experience renewed energy and enthusiasm.
10. Take control.
Choose to seize the steering wheel, instead of sitting in the passenger seat. Instead of letting life happen to you, live your life with purpose. Pretend you’re confident, and the feelings will follow.
11. Get to know yourself.
Delve deep and find out who you are. You’ll be able to point out and work on your weaknesses better. Your strengths will give you confidence.
12. Engage in a kind act.
Do what you can to bring more joy into the lives of others, and enjoy the feeling it gives you.
13. Practice.
Practice makes perfect. If you’re struggling at a task, keep trying until you get it right. This may take time but the effort is worth it.
14. Relax.
When you feel pressured to accomplish too much at once, slow down and take a few breaths. Sometimes, all it takes to feel confident is a few seconds to relax and refocus your mind.
15. Smile more frequently.
Put a smile on your face and you’ll be surprised at how you end up feeling as a result.
16. Look at the big picture.
Keep the bigger picture in mind as you attempt the trials of life. It will keep you from getting caught up on the smaller issues that detract from the important ones.
17. Concentrate on your self-image.
Everyone has both strengths and weaknesses. Find out what you like about yourself and focus on enhancing those characteristics
18. Change your behavior.
If you’re feeling down on yourself, change your approach. Continue to change your approach until you start getting the results you deserve.
19. Fight boredom.
Sometimes a lack of confidence is simply a sign that it’s time to leave your comfort zone in favor of something more exciting.
20. Strive for excellence instead of perfection.
If you continue to try your best and change your approach when things seem to be headed in the wrong direction, your confidence will grow naturally.
21. Accept compliments.
Learn how to accept compliments. People are likely being genuine with you and telling you what your strengths are.
22. Try hypnosis.
Hypnosis is a great way of communicating with your subconscious mind. Program your subconscious with productive thinking about your capabilities and strengths.
23. Start the day right.
Get everything off to the right start by getting into a positive mood right from the beginning of the day. Plan your day the night before and develop a morning routine. Get enough rest and eat a healthy breakfast.
24. Fake it.
Go through the motions of confidence even when you feel down in the dumps. You’ll be surprised at how much more confident you feel when you pretend that you are.
25. Talk to yourself.
Use positive self-talk to boost your confidence. Use personal, positive, present-tense affirmations that speak words of encouragement to your heart and mind.
26. Find a physical activity you enjoy doing.
Whether it is jogging, aerobics, or yoga, exercise is a sure-fire way to boost your self-confidence. If you are starting to feel low, take 15 minutes out of your day to exercise your worries away.
27. Take a second to be silly, whether you need a hearty belly laugh or a moment to dance by yourself.
A second is enough time to feel good about yourself again. Many websites will send jokes to your inbox on a daily or weekly basis. Sign up for this free service and open the email when you are feeling low. There is nothing like a good laugh to remind yourself what a great person you are.
Put on your favorite song and dance like there is no tomorrow. In addition to easing your stress, your self-confidence will shoot through the roof as the music brings back favorite memories.
28. Allow yourself a luxury.
Remind yourself that you are important and worthy of the world on a silver platter. When things are not going your way and you begin to question yourself, take time to reward yourself. Whether it is a chocolate kiss or a pat on the back, your spirits-and self-esteem-will be lifted.
29. Write down your goals that you have achieved and look back at them when you are feeling low.
Maybe you were the first person to graduate from college in your family. Perhaps you just closed on a fantastic house. Maybe you made president of your organization.
Whatever your accomplishment, allow yourself a minute to remind yourself of your worth.
Keep track of your family and friends to remind yourself that all these people are rooting for you to succeed. Make yourself notes that congratulate yourself on handling a situation or completing a goal.
Make the necessary means to rid yourself of guilt, learn from your actions, and move on.
Learn from your mistakes as the old adage goes, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Acknowledge where you made your mistake and forgive yourself. That constant nagging guilt will ruin your self-esteem.
Think of mistakes as happy accidents or learning experiences.
However, if you choose to boost your self-confidence, know that by doing so, you approve of yourself as a person. Allowing issues to get you down will only lower your self-confidence further.
By keeping a positive attitude, you will have the ability to turn around unsavory situations and make them positive ones. Keep in mind that you are a worthy person who has a bright future.
TAKEAWAY QUESTIONS
What hinders you from developing your self-confidence?
What are your fears? And how are you going to deal with them?
Have you checked the strength or the level of your self-reliance?
Do you have enough patience and willingness to exert intelligence effort to develop your self-confidence?
Are you decisive?
What are your strategies to develop your self-confidence?
