Relationships are strange things. If handled carefully, they can generate an untold amount of pleasure in your life. But if you stumble with them, they could spell disaster…and stress.
All the same, you can never do without relationships. We are social beings and we need to be around people. That is the reason we need relationships in our lives.
However, relationships are bound to bring stress at some point or the other. It is for that reason that we should know how to deal with this stress. Keeping one up here can really make your life much better.
Is your Relationship Causing You Stress?
Perhaps nothing is as important in our lives as our relationships with other people. It has often been said that a happy family is the key to success.
Much of our joy comes from our memories of Thanksgiving dinners around the dining room table or Christmas presents exchanged in the family room. But it is also true that the relationships that provide us with so much happiness can also be a source of stress.
Mental health experts say that our interpersonal relationships can increase our stress level.
Since it is neither possible nor advisable to eliminate these relationships from our lives, we have to work hard to ensure that our relationships do not get the better of us.
This means focusing our attention on the inherent stressors within relationships, and doing our best to eliminate or at least reduce stress where possible.
One of the major stressors in relationships is a communication problem. For instance, you may become angry at your mate because he or she fails to do chores around the house.
However, the bigger issue at stake is the fact that you feel as if your mate doesn’t really love you.
By bridging the communication gap—by articulating exactly what your needs are in a loving and supportive way—you can help ease the tension in your relationship.
Another source of stress can be a feeling that your mate is not supportive of your efforts, either at home or at work. You may feel as if your spouse doesn’t appreciate all your hard work and effort.
This could, in turn, lead you to attempt to overachieve, thinking that, by doing so, you will win your mate’s support and love. However, such a tactic could backfire, causing you more stress than you need.
But your relationship with your spouse may not be the only relationship that is causing you stress. You may also be burdened by problems in your relationship with your parents.
For instance, you might feel as if your parents disapprove of your career choice, your choice of spouse, or your choices when it comes to parenting your children. The fear of disapproval can lead to tension which can, in turn, give rise to stress.
By trying to understand your parents’ perspective, you can help smooth out the tensions in your relationship.
Also, attempt to boost your self-confidence, as far as your decision-making capability is concerned.
This will help you to recognize the fact that your parents’ disapproval will not break you—that you can learn from their criticism and can become a better person for it.
Sibling rivalries can also cause a great deal of stress. You might feel as if you constantly need to compete with your brother or sister—that you need to have the better car, the prettier wife, the bigger house, the more prestigious job.
If this is, indeed, the case, you might need to re-order your priorities. Recognize that your brother or sister is a talented individual, that he or she should be respected and appreciated.
Realize that competition between siblings is seldom helpful and more often counter-productive. Once you stop trying to openly compete, you might find that your sibling calls a halt to the competition as well.
In this way, you can both learn to find common ground—to work together rather than against each other.
In addition, you may experience stress in your relationship with one of your co-workers. You might experience continual conflict, as you continue to disagree on the most minuscule details.
If the conflict appears to be overwhelming, you may need intervention by a supervisor in order to get your stress level under control. The worst thing you could do is to let things simmer until they reach the boiling point.
It should be noted here that you cannot eliminate stress entirely from your relationships. However, it is possible to minimize it.
By engaging in effective communication, trying to view conflicts from the other person’s perspective, and dealing with differences of opinion openly and honestly, you can reduce the amount of stress in your interpersonal relationships.
You may find that you are a great deal happier and even healthier as a result of such stress-busting techniques.
Dealing With Stress In Relationships
Relationship stress is the other most common form of stress in the world today, after workplace stress.
You cannot do without relationships, but once you are in a relationship, you begin to understand that there is a great deal of stress in it.
Even if your relationship is quite good on the face of it, there is always a possibility of some friction due to something or the other. This is what can build up the relationship stress in you.
Dealing with relationship stress is not easy. You have to be careful about it at every time. The following are some things that can help you here.
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First and foremost, understand that the person you are in a relationship with is also a human being. When you have those little squabbles between you, place yourself in their position and see. Maybe you would have reacted in a similar manner as well. And, even if you wouldn’t have, remember that they are human beings and they also have their limitations. Just understanding this one fact can keep a lot of the relationship stress away.
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Even before plunging into a relationship with anyone, you should ask yourself—‘Why am I seeking a relationship with this person?’ The reason needs to be profound. If you are looking at the relationship for just fun and entertainment, then probably it is best not to get into the relationship in any way. If feelings come in the way, you are bound to get hurt. Enter into relationships only when you mean to fulfill them. There should be no ulterior motives for your relationship.
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One very important thing to remember is that you should not have high expectations from your relationship. At least, not in the initial stage when you are probably just trying to find out whether things will work between the two of you. You must allow nature to take its course and then see where you are headed.
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Do not expect to change your partner. A lot of relationship-related stress is on account of that. People try to change each other. Remember that you fell in love with this person just as they were. If you change them, you may lose your attraction for them. Wants are deceptive; you feel like you want something, but when they are fulfilled, you may try to run away from them.
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Do not let your emotions blind you. Be practical. This is the best way to avoid relationship stress. At every point in the relationship, think about what will work best for the two of you. Do not look at merely your selfish interests and do not pander to your partner’s selfish interests as well. If you think well before your actions, you will be happier.
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Work hard at maintaining the relationship. As far as possible, do not give cause for even the smallest complaint. You never know what might snowball into a big problem later.
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Do not keep secrets. If you are communicative with your partner, there are high chances that they will be communicative as well. This always works between two people. When you are clear and transparent with each other, the cause for clashes are fewer.
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Talk about your relationship with each other. This is always a very good idea, and you should never procrastinate such discussions. What, do you think, is the future of your relationship? Where are the mistakes happening? What can each of you do to improve upon them? These are the things you should talk about.
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Whenever an issue crops up, communicate with your partner. Do not keep things inside the heart. Instead of thinking how the other person will feel and being in turmoil throughout, it is better to come clean about what you feel and let them know the concerns you have. This is a much better solution, and when you know what they are thinking, your stress will be definitely much reduced.
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Do not move too fast in your relationship and, at the same time, do not move too slowly. Look at the response of the other person and act accordingly. This way, you can be surer that you are doing things correctly.
Use these ideas. More importantly, treat your relationship very cautiously and make sure not to make mistakes.
Do not expect much from your partner. That way, whatever happens, you will take it in your stride. Being practical about your relationship is the best way to avoid stress in it.
When Couples Are In Stressful Relationship
“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” – Pearl S. Buck
When two people get married, it means they are making a big commitment. It means they should stay with each other through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do them part.
Getting into a marriage relationship is the sign of the fullness of their deep romantic love for each other. Yet, their love for each other is tested in the course of time.
First, there would be the adjustment period. All couples go through that. There is a saying that you only get to know the person if both of you are living under one roof.
The routine of everyday life brings unrealistic expectations. Marital disenchantment comes in and it is expressed shortly just after the honeymoon fever wears off.
This is the time when imperfections can be seen. Shortcomings can be blown out of proportions.
Some eccentric behavior which you found “cute” before now becomes annoying.
Aside from your own problems as a couple, you have to deal with in-law relationships, money matters, and certain conflicts which have become the cause of your stress and anxiety.
When negative emotions and actions take over, it becomes the perfect recipe for marriage disharmony. Unless you become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions, chances are, you won’t do something about it.
Marriage is accepting who that person really is. We only need to practice self-control and learn not to have so many expectations.
The following tips will show you how to bring back that “zest” in your married life:
TIPS ON PUTTING ROMANCE BACK TO YOUR MARRIAGE
UNDERSTANDING
We all need reassurance. Reinforce this by showing affection, a simple praise, hug or kiss will do. Learn to communicate our feelings to our mate.
Don’t be defensive. When you have a minor spat…say “I’m sorry.” and really mean it. The sooner you do this, the sooner your mate will stop resenting you.
LEARN TO ACCEPT
All marriages go through certain obstacles. The one that you married turns out not to be the “angel” that you envisioned or the “knight of shining armor.”
Real love takes a lot of patience. So go beyond your illusions on what or how your mate should be. Rather, focus on yourself and start to make the necessary changes needed to improve who you are as a spouse.
MEET HALFWAY
In every situation, especially when you reach the point that you are angry, hurt, and frustrated — you have to learn how to meet halfway. In other words, you must know how to compromise or negotiate.
No two human beings are exactly alike. So settle your differences and learn to forgive each other right away. Don’t let the sun go down on you without you and your mate finding the solution.
REKINDLE
How do you refresh and fix a troublesome marriage? Bring back the love and intimacy. Work on it. Work on your marriage. Like life….marriage is not a bed of roses.
You have to work it out with your partner by investing time, love, money, and interest in each other.
Bring back the closeness by being honest, non-argumentative, and non-judgmental. Being happy together brings good mental health as well as the physical.
Yes, you and your partner should be on top of everything, be in charge of keeping the romance alive and let your marriage blossom the way it was meant to be.
POINTS TO REMEMBER
Is Your Relationship Causing You Stress?
- Mental health experts say that our interpersonal relationships can increase our stress level.
- One of the major stressors in relationships is a communication problem.
- Another source of stress can be a feeling that your mate is not supportive of your efforts, either at home or at work.
- You may experience stress in your relationship with one of your co-workers.
- It should be noted here that you cannot eliminate stress entirely from your relationships.
Dealing With Stress In Relationships
- First and foremost, understand that the person you are in a relationship with is also a human being.
- Ask yourself—‘Why am I seeking a relationship with this person?’ The reason needs to be profound.
- You should not have high expectations from your relationship.
- Do not expect to change your partner.
- Do not let your emotions blind you. Be practical.
- Work hard at maintaining the relationship.
- Do not keep secrets.
- Talk about your relationship with each other.
- Whenever an issue crops up, communicate with your partner.
- Do not move too fast in your relationship and, at the same time, do not move too slowly.
TIPS ON PUTTING ROMANCE BACK TO YOUR MARRIAGE
- Understanding
- Learn to accept
- Meet halfway
- Rekindle
TAKEAWAY QUESTIONS
– Do you always have a smooth relationship with your partner, family, friends and colleagues?
– How do you communicate with your partner, family, friends, and colleagues?
– How do you deal when challenges in any of your relationship arise?
– Do you try to understand the person as much as possible?
– Are you willing to compromise if necessary?
